/United States

How to attend an American wedding: a guest’s guide

Invited to a wedding in the United States? Expect a short ceremony in a church, a courthouse or outdoors, followed by a reception with toasts, the cutting of the cake and a first dance. Customs vary widely with the couple’s faith and heritage.

A rustic wooden barn wedding venue with an American flag, draped fabric and string lights

Photo: Troy Olson / Unsplash

Follow the dress code on the invitation, such as “black tie” or “cocktail”. Leave white to the bride.

A gift from the couple’s registry, ideally sent to their address beforehand, or a card with a cheque or cash.

Ceremony of 20 to 60 minutes; the reception often lasts four or five hours.

Congratulations!: the simple, warm wish for the couple

Reply by the date on the RSVP card or wedding website. Bring a guest only if “and guest” or their name is on the invitation.

Before the wedding

Invitations usually arrive one to two months before the wedding, often after a “save the date” card. Accepting or declining promptly is the main thing expected of a guest. Most couples set up a gift registry, a list of household items or experiences at one or more shops or websites. Giving a gift is technically optional, but nearly all guests do, and it is considered thoughtful to have it delivered to the couple’s address rather than carrying it to the wedding.

The ceremony

A wedding can take place almost anywhere, but churches, courthouses and outdoor venues are common. The ceremony follows the couple’s religious practice or none at all, and the legal part can take less than ten minutes, though music, readings and speeches often extend it. Many couples have a wedding party of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Brides usually wear white or a light colour. Guests may throw confetti, petals or bubbles as the couple leave, and some couples greet every guest in a receiving line.

The reception

The reception may be a cocktail party or a full dinner. The best man or maid of honour usually gives a toast, often with Champagne, and others may follow. The couple cut the wedding cake together, then share a first dance, sometimes followed by dances with parents. Some receptions include a bouquet toss. Weddings within many communities add their own traditions, from religious rites to particular music, food and dress, so customs vary a great deal from one wedding to the next.

  • Reply by the RSVP date, even if you cannot come.
  • Arrive 15 to 30 minutes early for the ceremony.
  • Choose from the registry, or give a card with a cheque or cash.
  • Follow the couple’s wishes on photos and phones.
  • Do not wear white unless the couple ask for it.
  • Do not bring an extra guest who is not invited.
  • Do not bring a large wrapped gift to the venue if it can be posted instead.

Some American weddings welcome families with younger children and others are adults-only; the names on the invitation tell you who is invited. If younger family members are coming, plan for a long day and bring something quiet for the ceremony and speeches.

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If a colleague invites you, a gift from their registry is the usual choice. Colleagues often club together for one larger registry gift.

  1. Learn a few words first. A greeting in someone's own language shows you made the effort.
  2. Watch before you adapt. Notice how people greet, meet and decide.
  3. Ask, don't assume. Every team is different, so check how colleagues like to work.
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Do I have to buy from the registry?

No. A registry is a guide, not an obligation, and a card with a cheque or cash is also common.

What does “and guest” mean on an invitation?

It means you may bring one companion of your choice. If it is not there, the invitation is for you alone.

How long does an American wedding last?

The ceremony is often under an hour, and the reception commonly runs for four or five hours.