Invited to a wedding in Indonesia? Customs differ hugely between islands, ethnic groups and faiths, but most guests share the same joyful moment: congratulating the couple at a lively reception.
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Smart and modest. Batik is always a good choice; follow any colour theme on the invitation.
Usually cash in an envelope (amplop), placed in the box near the guest book. Some couples share a gift list or bank details.
Ceremonies are often private or for family; the reception (resepsi) usually lasts two to three hours and guests come and go.
Selamat menempuh hidup baru!: Best wishes for your new life together!
Follow the invitation; many receptions are large, but reply if the couple ask, especially for seated dinners.
Indonesia has hundreds of ethnic groups and six officially recognised religions, so there is no single Indonesian wedding. A Javanese couple may hold a siraman, a ritual bathing ceremony, the day before; Batak, Minangkabau, Balinese and Bugis weddings each have their own rituals, clothing and music. By law, a marriage is valid when it follows the rules of the couple’s religion and is registered, so Muslim couples marry through the akad nikah, led by an official from the Office of Religious Affairs, while others marry in church, temple or another ceremony before registering.
For most guests, the main event is the resepsi. Couples often sit on a decorated stage called the pelaminan, dressed in traditional or modern wedding clothes, sometimes with their parents beside them. Guests sign the guest book, drop their envelope in the gift box, queue to shake hands with the couple and their families, pose for a photo and then enjoy a buffet. Receptions can be very large, and it is normal to stay for an hour or so rather than the whole time.
Many weddings follow religious customs, so food, drink and dress may reflect the couple’s faith. If in doubt, ask a friend who knows the family.
Families are often welcome at Indonesian receptions, which tend to be relaxed, busy and noisy. Check how the invitation is addressed. As guests come and go, it is easy to visit for a shorter time with younger family members.
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If a colleague invites you, it is common for the team to attend together and give individual envelopes or a joint gift. A short visit to congratulate the couple is warmly appreciated.
There is no fixed amount. Guests give according to their budget and how close they are to the couple. Write your name on the envelope so the couple know who it is from.
No. At large receptions guests usually arrive, congratulate the couple, eat and leave within an hour or two. Seated dinners are an exception, so follow the invitation.
Indonesian law links marriage to religion: a marriage is valid when it follows the couple’s faith and is then registered. Customs, clothing and food vary widely by faith, region and family.
